Hurt People: Harsh Truths!

 

First and foremost, let us get one basic fact clear. We are all hurt! Whether we acknowledge it or not, whether we recognize it or not, if we have lived beyond five years of our life, we are hurt in some way or another. Even the best of us, who are quick to defend our families and our upbringing only choosing to remember the good times (either deliberately or subconsciously believing so), have wounds which start playing out when we grow up and enter relationships. Unless we consciously work on healing and do it continually, we remain the mess we are, living every relation in our typical patchwork style and going through the same rut or karmic cycles, more often than not, right to our graves.

Secondly, there is no judgement here. In fact, even though I may express strong opinions on my blog, I believe in learning continuously and evolving and my opinions do change over a period of time. We are all human and as long as we stay flexible and open to new ideas, we grow. We may or may not agree with everything we hear/read/see but we ought to be open to receiving information without judgement, processing it without bias and then determining whether it is meant for us or not. Once we have done this in all sincerity and have made peace with our orientation/truth, then we have to also have the maturity to understand and accept that not everyone will be in agreement with us. We should be thankful for the same too (not easy, I guarantee).

Now that we have the basic premises and disclaimers out of the way, let us get to the meat of the matter or if you are vegan, then to the essence of the matter! I have met with a lot of people in 48years of my life despite trying to avoid as many, whenever I could. Being an empath (a term that has entered my life since the tarot journey began, before which it was just “friend”), right from the time I’ve been little I have had a number of friends (even ones that did not like each other) and later on even strangers pouring out their problems to me and walking away happier even though I don’t consciously remember having told anyone much, in terms of solutions- one odd, maybe. I never considered myself to be a particularly good listener either especially with people who elaborate too much. Yet, I have had enough experience with so many fellow humans from various walks of life to know that we are all broken in some way or the other and we refrain from healing for it is too long and too painful plus we have mastered carrying the baggage, sweeping some of it under the proverbial carpet and then of course, patchwork!

Below, in point form, are a few gems I have picked up which may be triggering especially so if they are true in your case and you don’t like the sound of it. If your first instance is to curse then believe me, I have touched a raw nerve and you do need to heal. I will be using “you” for ease of conveying and it, in no way makes me Mary Poppins (practically perfect in every way!)

1.  Any form of addiction has its roots dug really deep into your psyche, possibly from childhood. Before you react with a “I started smoking at 20 when I was jilted by the girl I loved, how does that go back to my inner child?” let me ask you to deep breathe. Go back to your earliest memory of what transpired when you were denied something that was dear to you. What was your coping mechanism? Who denied you what you wanted? How did you perceive and process that, at that tender age of two or three? Leave your rational brain out of it, that is your adult brain. Sit with it. Do it whenever you get the time to reflect till you come to an answer and when you do, depending on how bad it was, you can heal and actually kick your addiction for good. For some of us, professional help might be needed. It doesn’t even have to be substances, it could be food, gaming…anything that you do, even when every bit of the sane part of you is screaming for you to stop.

 

2.  The more you have suffered, fought and through sheer grit broken free from the difficult circumstances, the more anger you have for the world. Instead of reveling in the victory that is yours and being grateful and humble, you want to prove to every one you come across how good you are and how you overcame your struggles while emphasizing how the big, bad, wicked world was singling you and your loved ones out. You never tire of repeating it even when you are amidst friends in a cordial, laid back setting. You are aggressive and eager to shut people up especially if you perceive someone as having an easy life. It just means you need to heal. You need to understand that your journey is your own and is not meant for comparison. Applaud yourself for your achievements but know that your constant need to remind others of how good you are, rises from your sense of lack. You, and not them, can change that. You may scream from the mountain top or in this case social media platforms that you are the best; wilt like a touch-me-not at seeing others succeed but you will never find the peace or the honour that you are looking for outside yourself. In fact, most of us are fixated on a parent or both parents for a pat on our back and even though they may have mouthed them, it may have not been when we wanted it. Lesson: Be it your parents or in later years, your exes, spouse or any one you look to for validation; let them go. Give yourself the closure. Give yourself that love, that pat on the back. YOU ARE ALL THAT YOU NEED. You must let go of the lack. Give yourself the attention you seek.

 

3.  Undermining or becoming jealous of another’s achievements highlights your insecurities and not the fact that they are undeserving. Only the wearer knows where the shoe pinches. You know nothing of another person’s journey. Someone’s poise, happy laughter, perpetual twinkle in the eye, their open heart, easy life may be the result of years of pain and mastery over the same. What you perceive is only skin deep so do not judge. Not everyone wears their sorrows or problems on their sleeves; not everyone opens up about their private lives easily; people that are distant are not necessarily arrogant; introverts are not snobs and snobs do not have it all going for them!  Each one of us is coping and so, comparing yourself with the next person to bring them down so that you can feel good is base. We can all do better than that, can we not? Work on your insecurities and you will soon find yourself happy when others achieve.

 

4.  Badly hurt people don’t realise when they wallow in self-pity. They don’t realise that, while they crave applause, they see no one else (or hardly anyone else) as worthy of the same. They want the world to call and check on them but they never call up to check on others. No one else’s problems ever matter to them. If you see yourself like that, you need to heal; if you vehemently deny that, you definitely need to heal and get a reality check. Not calling anyone out to belittle anyone’s pain but hurt can harden us to the extent that we end up being the pain that was caused to us. Let us mend our broken selves with love so that this world is a better place and we stop to celebrate people;  not wait to watch them fall.

 

Someone (actually more than one person) told me years ago that I would never lose weight for I was too happy. A few people, close to me, have often insinuated that I have had an easy life and so I could have high ideals. Dear friends have unknowingly given me the vibe of being someone that has never had to work for anything! Over the years I have under played myself while trying to find answers in the interim period. I am sensitive to energies; I pick up feelings even if they are not verbalized. I am not about to reveal anything here or to them in person. I prefer keeping things to myself and processing them my way.

All I can say is that everything is the game of cause and effect- karma, and not how we claim to know it! The Universe has no favourites. We are a species just like a million other species and we have a place in this circle/cycle of life, which is limited but enough to give us great learning. Let us wise up and heal and strive to go beyond our perceived limitations. Let us concentrate on our journey and have an understanding that each person is struggling just like we are. If we have to convey something, let it be kindness and compassion.

“Everything in the cosmos is happening wonderfully well, but one nasty little thought in your head, and you think it is a bad day. That is lack of perspective.”  __ Sadhguru