IKIGAI

 

Maybe I find it here, at Cafe Ikigai, doing Mandala art.

 

I really cannot believe I have signed up for this but there is a reason my blogs aren't happening. I do not venture out too much and when you are stuck in a rut, your imagination slowly stops thinking out of the box. At least, that has been my reality. 

 

My husband and kids are busy and away most of the time and so it is just Joey and I. So, I have been wondering of ways to get out of my “stuckness”. Truth be told, I have sheltered myself from the outside world for a while and even I realise that it is time to get out of my Hermit mode.

 

My daughter is here for her vacation and internship so I guess this is my chance to stop cribbing and start acting. Yet, cribbing seems easier.

 

Sitting here, the only one to reach half an hour prior, dutifully abiding by the rules on the booking website, I spent the first 15min wondering why I signed up for this. I remember telling my daughter that her dad was asking me to go on a vacation all by myself but even though I am comfortable in my company, I am not at ease with strangers. How would I go on a vacation when I haven't seen a movie or been to restaurant on my own? So, she suggested taking baby steps by signing up for a workshop.

 

This is not my thing but my daughter ought to be in sales. She can sell anything to you and in that moment, I went on to “Bookmyshow” and signed up for the first workshop that was in 2 days. I paid up, texted the team and felt a great sense of achievement for a whole ten minutes. Thereafter, it has been a wave of hot and cold emotions, much like the non-committal partner in a relationship!!

 

The day arrived and I went back to my kindergarten days and it is only my bulk that stopped me from rolling in the mud as an act of rebellion. As the time neared, I felt completely out of excitement just nervous tension and giggles without mirth. The new diet I am on kept comfort foods away from me, at this much needed hour! I had an early lunch barely tasting what I ate.

 

The venue was an hour’s drive from where we live. I took a cab and the driver, a man in his early thirties, very courteous and punctual (both a rarity), said he would get me to reach the destination 15min before time so I told him to go slow because we were going to reach half an hour early anyway (as asked by the website). The silence in the car made me want to snooze so I asked him to turn on the radio. He played songs from the 90s Bollywood movies instead, which was not the best time for music in the industry, but I loved them because that’s all we had at that time, when there was still leisure to enjoy music before life got serious!

 

We were at the venue at sharp 1430h and when I thanked the driver and walked into the café, I find a large group of college goers, blowing their parents’ hard-earned money and couldn’t help smiling thinking of my daughter who belongs to the same category! There were regular customers and no signs of any workshop being conducted. I approached the manager behind the counter and he confirmed that I was indeed at the right place and showed me a table, next to him and asked me to make myself comfortable. Almost immediately after, the waiter gives me a menu. I decline but he leaves it there anyway. Feeling uncomfortable in the new setting, I picked up the menu, knowing my diet didn’t permit me even a lemonade (which they did give as a part of the workshop and I did sip it too leaving it for the lack of sugar)! I saw cheesecakes on the menu and I decided I would take one for my daughter.

 

Presently, having spent 25 minutes thus, and seeing no signs of the workshop, I sent a message to the lady conducting the workshop to which she replied, “It is to start at three.” So, I informed her that it said to be here, 30min prior on the website and got an “oh” for a reply. At about 1505h, the team and one odd enthusiast started trickling in. Sure enough, it took another half an hour before even the instructions were explained. If you have ever served in the Armed Forces, you would know all about punctuality and the irritation when someone doesn’t respect your time. Clearly, no one here had and I stood out like a sore thumb.

 

Well, I stood out for more than one reason. For a long while, I was the only one in her 50’s to attend this workshop. Most were college going, a few young couples and a girl of 9, perhaps. And then two middle aged ladies turned up with their daughters in tow.

 

Somehow, my presence seemed unwelcome or intimidating so most people avoided my table, even though it was most comfortable and conducive to the task at hand. At long last, two young girls walked in my direction and one looked at me with a pleasant expression on her face. I gave her a smile which was reciprocated and she being kind enough to realise that I didn’t bite, sat across me with her friend! Emboldened by their move, two more tried to come in but left after 5min each to make place for another young lady full of life.

 

I decided to begin a light conversation and since nothing had started moving; it was a great idea. In a matter of minutes, we got comfortable with one another. The young ladies were all engineers, two working and the third an intern, who happened to be from my son’s college! The artist among us was a little reserved and later, her work showed us why! Yet, there was something about their energy that I could be myself. In fact, kudos to Gen Z! For all the memes that are made trashing them as doing nothing but being entitled and playing video games, I would actually like to applaud them for being accepting and non-judgemental. If that group of people were from any other previous generation, my sitting there alone, wouldn’t have been comfortable. Not in India, at least. Not to say that there would be leering men, but a tendency for people to openly stare and judge, irrespective of gender…and whisper with one another, while holding the stare. I say that with years and years of experience, which is why I can keep a steely face (so I believe) when out of my comfort zone.

 

Well, shortly after, the beautiful and talented lady, conducting the workshop came to our table (by which time mandala boards, tools, pens and brushes of different sizes were already kept on our table, which I had the privilege of seeing get taped up with cling film) and explained what needed to be done very quickly. Soon paper plates with required amounts of acrylic paint in different hues of blue along with black and white were handed over to us. Sample boards were kept in front of us for reference causing me to believe, I had indeed come to the wrong place. God knows, that the art teacher was the only one that punished me in my school years, and not just once! Why did I sign up for this? I remembered asking the team whether you needed to be good with art stuff to join and they said NO! This was supposedly so easy!

 

Since mine was the only face pregnant with doubtful questions she decided to show how it was done on my wooden slab. Just two dots and at every step one line or swash, as she called it. Initially I was happy and then sad because now I had a standard to live up to and did not. Soon, the Aquarius in me took over. I understood my limitations and decided to rebel. I did not follow the patterns and while we had freedom to create our own evil eye combo, it was still limited freedom. I went beyond and before she could do anything about it quickly made all the dots that would do away with the “swashes” completely. If I were her kid, she might have given me a rap on my head but I was old enough to be her mom so she managed to make it appealing by giving me more corrective ideas, which I thought were amazing.

 

The girls next to me were such darlings, always encouraging while doing a great job themselves. The artist was quietly creating a masterpiece. I was the first to finish, not that that was a criterion but my husband was about to pick me up and I had work once I got home. The pretty lady, not fully masking her disappointment, told me it was looking good. Shortly after, she invited all of us with our incomplete samples for a photo shoot. She also conducted my feedback interview as she could sense I was about to bolt. My husband had arrived 10min prior to this, having battled the rain (heavy unexpected downpour) and sat at a table tucking in croissant and coffee while I just swallowed saliva- the diet, remember! I got him to pack a blueberry cheesecake for my daughter while saying my goodbyes to everyone and a few selfies with my mandala partners. They wouldn’t realise how much they helped me, I wonder whether you do, dear reader but it made a world of difference to me. I was looking for connection with genuine positive people which did not need to translate into anything beyond that day and it was brilliant.

 

The lady at the helm conducting the workshop really knew her work. Dot mandala art wasn’t the only thing she was teaching. She handled it really well with her team of one other gentleman. She was on her toes hopping from one table to another and though I may have been a disappointment to the teacher in her, I was ecstatic. I am so proud of my creation. My daughter and husband loved my work, till they saw the rest and guess what, dear reader, you only get to see mine so it should appear beautiful to you!!

 

Stepping out of one’s comfort zone may sound overrated, frightening and unpleasant but the sense of being able to push beyond limits, made purely in your head, is liberating. I have many plans up my sleeve and a lot out of my comfort zone. Let’s see whether I see them through! As for the Ikigai, I knew and still do that this isn’t my thing and I possibly just named it after the Café Ikigai but may be, making a habit of trying new things, is a way to get there.

 

 

My First Dot Mandala Effort! Only Wows are appreciated!! ;)