11 Years Later

 

Heeding the Call of My Inner Child and that of my North Node.

I belong to Kerala, as in both my parents and all my relatives hail from there. I was neither born nor brought up in God’s own country. I had the blessing of being an Indian first before associating myself with a state since my father served in the Indian Air Force and we pretty much lived a nomadic life, which I loved.

However, we remained connected to our roots thanks to our bonding with our relatives whom we adored and still do. Summer holidays meant a trip to Kerala by train from no matter where we were. I feel the excitement of my childhood even as I type and have a huge smile on my face! The change in the soil and vegetation which was torturous to me back then because it was usually a lesson in geography, was one of the most beautiful and magical things about the train journey as I grew up and to this day, the excitement I feel on a train is unparalleled.

As a kid I was closest to my maternal grandfather and he spoilt me rotten. My earliest memory is going for walks with him to the bakery or to the vegetable vendor or to that little trinket shop we called Johnny’s shop where he would buy me some shiny ring or bangle or whatever I would fancy. My tastes could be very gaudy!! He seemed to know everyone on our walks. After all, he was a doctor and his dispensary was popular among the locals. I loved sitting with him in the dispensary too which was within the huge compound of the house.

I have always seen myself as loyal to people than to my surroundings and while that still holds true which is why I love dogs; I have begun to realise that I do have an attachment to the various homes I grew in and where I spent the most memorable parts of my early childhood. And the three houses, that I had maximum attachment to, were that of both my maternal and paternal grandparents and that of my maternal aunt. My oldest and most treasured memories belong there. As I grew, I found myself spending time in my paternal aunt’s and Uncle’s houses as well.

The beautiful part of those houses were not just the large expanse of the home and special nooks and crannies which had more appeal to a kid that the main rooms, but the “parambu” (the courtyard or compound) which was large amount of land with coconut palms, jackfruit trees, mango trees, spices, sapota, papaya…you name it. Anything that grows in that part of the land grew here. My paternal grandfather’s parambu had a pond in it as well. I stop the description here or it would take over this blog.

By the time my father had our home built there, we were grown up and though my children did have the good fortune to spend five to seven years there, while on vacation and make a few memories, it wasn’t the same. For one, as families got smaller, the number of cousins became lesser and so the fun was probably not as much. My memories of our home, were more of our marriage.

The last time I went to Kerala was in 2011, with my children being ten and seven and, in that trip, and the five odd trips before, it was all about managing time, children, their needs, meeting relatives in a hurried sort of fashion; with the head never being totally free. Don’t get me wrong. Those trips were great as well more so because I was exceptionally close to my paternal grandfather by then and he remained the only person I would write snail mails to, till he passed on at the age of 100, in 2008. The time spent with him was priceless. My children had the blessing of interacting with their great grandfather as well.

My parents sold our huge home in Kerala in 2011 after which I did not go to Kerala for a long while. Our vacation would be spent between New Delhi and Hyderabad with the parents of my husband and my own respectively.

In 2019, after Joey entered our lives, our vacations have been to places nearby where we could drive down and live in dog friendly places. The few kennels nearby were unsatisfactory, to leave our baby in, for a vacation without him. And then Covid struck. Two and a half years of complete madness; my husband without a job and kids at home living an unhealthy life and me trying to manage things grappling with lessons learnt from spirituality but mostly, living (dragging myself) from one day to the next! 2021 was a year I would not have wanted to be a part of, but we did get to 2023!

January 2023 saw the family go in different directions with Joey and me staying put. Relief! For two months, I just licked my wounds (not physical, don’t worry) and gave myself a lot of TLC. Eating right, resting, doing nothing, doing anything I willed and being okay with it. Having to encounter no one, no cribbing, no negativity or long faces was a blessing.

Two more months later, the confinement began taking its toll on me. I am a home body but not being able to step out for anything at all was getting frustrating. I would keep busy learning astrology and psychology, trying to keep up with my tarot channel and blogging but apart from tarot, I was not really doing justice to the rest. All this while (since 2020) I had this gnawing pull to go to Kerala. It seemed futile to even think about it. But I did.

11 years later, I got my chance again. I am tearing up as I type. I had been planning this trip seemingly, forever. When my husband got home after a long while and took a bit of leave, we had decided to drive down to where my daughter was studying and get her back home for the summer holidays after a small detour and sojourn at a tourist destination nearby.

In an impromptu move, I asked my husband if I could actually take up the offer of going solo (he keeps encouraging me to do so, off and on), leaving my daughter to take care of Joey, while he and my parents would take care of things. It was a shock to him, coming out of nowhere and he asked if I wanted to think things over and speak to my relatives if it was okay for me to go there. My mother was a huge support in making all of this happen and I am indebted to her for yet another thing!

Well, all things done and taken care of, having shocked my daughter, and pretending not to notice the discomfort on my husband’s face as the days were closing in, I was slated to leave for Kerala on the 25^th of May and return on 30^th. As luck would have it, the day prior to my leaving, my husband got an intimation to leave for New Delhi as well, just to possibly check my resolve! Thanks to my parents, I did not have the slightest doubt.

I boarded a completely full flight, loaded with little children making a lot of typically irritating sounds/noises (excitement for the holidays I presume) but everything just added to my sense of glee. When the aircraft took off, I had to stop myself from clapping and screaming in delight. I was ecstatic.

An hour and a half later, the descent began and thankfully that kid on the opposite window seat was distracted and had left the window open (much to my dismay, he had shut the window just as the takeoff roll began and his parents did not care!) so I could watch the land appear, that wonderful scenery with coconut palms galore and a certain quality to the lush greens which are so characteristic of Kerala.

The following five days till my departure were the fastest days of my life in a long, long while. From the get go, it was happiness and chatting and catching up. My cousin and brother-in-law received me at the airport which was awfully nice of them because it was quite a drive. I had been in touch with this eldest cousin of mine, a fellow Aquarian, who had been most protective and indulgent when I was a kid and made her in charge of my itinerary. I trusted her (we are so similar in a lot of ways) to plan out all things I wanted to do in this short span of time, without it being taxing on anyone. She did not disappoint me, as always. Though, to be honest she did tax herself for which I feel guilty but very grateful.

From meeting my aunts, cousins, brothers-in-law and a dear niece to being pampered with all my favourite foods (idiyappam with sweetened coconut milk, puttu, appams in plenty, and finally, a sadya made my heart jump for joy), from enjoying nature at its best, walking in my aunt’s garden bare feet to staying a day each with both cousins from visiting the two temples I so wanted to go to and more, this trip was perfect in every way. I did miss seeing two more cousins of whom I almost met one but it was not to be, this time around.

 

Credits: Wikipedia

Of the temples I mentioned, the first was an ancient Lord Shiva temple called Thiruvanchikulam Mahadeva temple in Kodangallur (you could check it on Wikipedia or on the temple’s website for the history), which I had been to 11 years ago for the first time. That visit had been in the evening and we stayed till the Shiveli (a procession of sorts with the idols of the deities making rounds-pradakshina of the temple with full pomp and show. In fact. in a few major temples, an elephant is also included in this procession that takes place at the opening and closing times of the temple) after which both idols of Shiva and Parvati (known as Mahadeva and Uma Devi) are placed in the Sanctum Santorum. It was an ethereal experience. The chants of Om Namah Shivaiy created an atmosphere that was charged up with positive energy and it was an experience I will always cherish.

This time we made a visit in the morning. We left early and the drive reminded me yet again of how much I missed seeing Nature in its glory over here. We were in time for the morning Shiveli. What a way to begin the morning! This was a quieter and more of a low-key affair but it was just as beautiful. However, it did remind me that I was a lot less fit 11 years later! My knees cried silent tears while climbing the few monstrous steps, which felt like mini boulders.

 The peace I felt here was immeasurable and I had the honour of speaking to an elderly gentleman who was a retired banker and was completely involved in the affairs of the temple. He was pleasant and loved to talk. His happiness was infectious. On our return, we passed right near my paternal grandfather’s house which I have a lot many memories of, except that my sense of direction was way off so I could not see it. We did not have the time to explore because we had a deadline to meet.

The second temple was right next to another cousin’s home and next to the backwaters. The parking overlooked the backwaters and this I was not expecting so I was thrilled! I had so little time and so much to do that I had given up the urge to ask to see the sea. I guess my need was strong enough for it to manifest.

Credits: Amed

The Ameda temple is a prominent snake temple and I was called to go and pay my respects here. It was a small temple in comparison but I was intrigued by the way it was built and the vegetation all around. The beauty of smaller temples is that it is not commercial and so the sense of piety is strong. We prayed peacefully and exited only after eating the delightful prasadam (an offering made to the Gods is then given to the devotees as a physical form of grace) of jaggery rice.

Two more things I manifested and am so grateful for was seeing an elephant and witnessing the rain! Whenever, I have visited Kerala I have always caught a glimpse of an elephant and that is something that makes me incredibly happy. I guess elephants are also my spirit animals. This time however, I hadn’t seen one on the roads and I was informed that the State Government has strictly prohibited elephants from being walked on the streets and they were to travel in vehicles. It was for the elephant’s protection. I gave up on this one wish on the outside but when I went to visit my second cousin who is petrified at the thought of seeing an elephant, I just mentioned it and despite herself, she and my brother-in-law drove us to a place where they kept the temple elephant. My niece and I walked down and saw the graceful pachyderm! He was a handsome, well-fed tusker and I felt so bad for him, for he was tied and alone.

The night before I was to fly back home, the last wish happened. It rained. A trip to Kerala without rain is always incomplete and so that was the cherry on top!

This trip was special because it felt like I was making a trip after my childhood days even though it was after 11 years, and I was a mother of two at that time. This was the call of my inner child and I have been so happy and sated since. I am terrible at staying in touch through calls and messages and so connecting with all the special people one way or the other was heartwarming. My aunts had aged as have I, but they were both just as warm, affectionate and gracious as they had always been. Seeing them a lot more vulnerable was difficult for me but I guess that is how Mother Nature works.

My North Node is in Sagittarius and travel, specially to places where I had early memories, would align me to my soul purpose and I guess it has to do with disseminating the knowledge and wisdom I receive from all quarters, in any way, shape or form. This trip got my Circadian rhythm back on track for which I am ever so grateful for. It would be worth your while to check out your North Node too, dear readers, and align with your true calling but most importantly, do what makes your inner child sing for joy. Invaluable!