The Role Fasting Has Played in My Life!
Fasting is a trend
now from a health point of view. You have the 16:8 fasting and different
varieties depending on whom you follow. However, before making fasting
scientific in the manner it is being made today, it was an age-old ritual
followed in all traditional religions if I am not mistaken. Patterns may vary.
Be it Lent before Easter, Ramzan/Ramadan before Eid or the number of fasts in
the Hindu tradition especially in India, for every occasion and region for
instance the two Navratris, Chhat pooja, the 41 days fast during the Sabarimala
season and many more which we might touch upon as we progress. Actually, our
forefathers were more aware and mindful of their bodies and hence these
traditions were made as a maintenance practice for our systems. They added a
religious connotation to it so that people would follow it. Faith can move
mountains!
In this blog, I
shall cover my relationship with fasting. Now, why would I want to write a blog
about that?? Well, I have an hour to kill before I can eat Sabudana khichdi (a
savoury preparation made out of sago pearls) and quieten my rumbling and
grumbling tummy and I cannot seem to think of anything else at this time! I am
keeping an Ekadashi fast today. This fast is done on the eleventh day after the
new moon as well as the full moon and I have started this fast recently. This,
in fact, is my second fast. I have been on fruits and since I am not too fond
of them, I haven’t really feasted. Fruits, milk and milk products are permitted
for those who are new. Unfortunately, I am not keen on milk either though I’ve
been eyeing chocolate and wondering whether that is permitted. The heavyweights
in the tradition (who are actually light weight) stay on without water. This is
a common Hindu tradition, the “Nirjal vrat” and women are adept at it. Other
religions follow it too and now it is also practiced from a health point of
view.
Anyway, from the
time I can remember my parents used to fast, my mother on Mondays and my father
on Tuesdays and Thursdays (earlier Fridays) and then since people had problems
inviting them over for parties, their lifestyle being such, my mother began
fasting on Tuesdays instead of Mondays. So, the “T” days were days with no non-
vegetarian food. My mother just stayed off non-vegetarian food but my father
just ate one meal. My brother and I were never told to fast.
When I joined
college, which was in New Delhi, I realised fasting was a trend. I had friends
fasting on Mondays for a good husband (either someone in mind or just in
general). The Monday fast was kept for Lord Shiva and typically for sixteen Mondays.
There are rules for every fast and depending on your level of endurance, I
guess, you chose what you could do. Another fast is the “Karva Chauth” fast
which married women keep for their husbands to ensure their long life but in
college, unmarried girls kept it too, even those who had no one in mind. I used
to look at them uncomfortably but they seemed to enjoy it so when the festival of
Janmashtami (Lord Krishna’s birthday) came and everyone was going berserk
planning their fast I got tempted. I decided I’d keep one too on fruits and
milk products. I always knew this but, on this day, I it was confirmed that
among the few things I couldn’t do, one was to starve over long periods. My
head started aching as it is aching right now. “Never again” I said to the Lord
after the completion of the fast, asking him for forgiveness. He must’ve smiled
his naughty smile in Heaven.
Fasting stopped
but something else began! Dieting! I have been dieting on and off since grade 6
but things just got tougher once I got out of college and decide to apply for
the Armed Forces. My overweight tendencies have kept me on a diet, perpetually,
the worst being the General Motors diet. I have done it many times but
successfully only once and I did lose 4kgs which came back before four days
were over. My system does not understand moderation. I can abstain for short
periods but temperance is not for me (and that card is what I always pull out
for myself in tarot). Yet, you can cheat while dieting not while fasting so I
was still okay with dieting (as though I had a choice) but fasting was a done
deal.
Never say never! I
should’ve known that for I’ve been made to eat my own words a number of times!
I fell in love and the first time I skipped a meal was to talk to my person of
interest. I got past the rest of the night with great difficulty; my stomach
making me pay the price for my heart’s folly!
It is in
desperation, that people turn to faith, to prayer and to fasting and so did I,
when things weren’t working out. I remembered my friends from college and
decided to do the 16 Monday fast. I did not breathe a word to anybody. I
thought I’d feign indigestion if someone forced me to eat at work. As luck
would have it, on my very first Monday, I had to go on an outstation
commitment. I was only on water since there was no fruit at hand and I was to
have lunch on return. That would be my only meal. It turned out that lunch was
meant to happen at this “new” place due to unforeseen delays, only, there was
no lunch. Now, in flying, you need to be alert and I decided it was going to be
difficult to pull through the return leg if I didn’t eat something. The captain
was also hungry and he had contacts so we went unannounced to his colleague’s
place and this was almost close to four. His magnanimous wife offered a huge
plate of grilled fish for each of us but there were no accompaniments since we
reached unannounced. It smelled so delicious. The captain asked me to dig in,
with a grin. I did. I apologized to Lord Shiva. I tried my best. He understood.
Sure enough, I
didn’t marry the man I kept the fast for but for my sincere efforts he gave me
my husband who has kept me happy mostly (and always instrumental in my giving
up the General Motors diet, without guilt) though every time he drives me up
the wall, I think of that grilled fish!!
Fast forward and I
was blessed with my son who was in trouble from the time I conceived him and
for days and months and years after he was born! I was advised by my
father-in-law, to keep a fast for him till he was eight. An anxious mother
always listens. Then my daughter came along and though the eight years passed
in time I kept the Thursday fast for both kids and then Monday fasts resumed as
apology and gratitude for everything.
Many years later,
absentmindedly, I popped a chicken popcorn, I was frying for the kids, into my
mouth on a Monday. I didn’t realise till much later. Guilt inevitably followed.
Fear had come between my God and me. That just didn’t work for me. I
love Lord Shiva and I respect him but I don’t ever want to be scared of him. He
doesn’t want it either. I gave up fasting on both days for good. “It felt
awkward” is an understatement, but I had to do it. I wouldn’t let fear come in
between my devotion. I did keep my 41 days Sabarimala season fast till then but
that year I didn’t do that either. I would fast when I was called to but no
more patterns for me.
In the past four
years, I have been practicing spirituality and I have been meditating. I am
ready to further my practices but the two hindrances are meats and fasting! I
can abstain for a while but when I have to cook then it becomes difficult to
look the other way and worse, cooking separately for me pretty much seals my
day as Kitchen Queen. Still working on that. However, this Ekadashi fast has been
explained by Sadhguru in a way that has appealed to me. Let’s see how long this
fasting lasts.
Before I sign off,
I’d like you to know that I did take a break in between to eat my meal and it
was good (I feel like Garfield, satisfied but looking otherwise) but more
importantly, I’d like you to take one thing with you from this blog-no matter
what your religion or faith, do whatever you have to do but do it without FEAR
OF PUNISHMENT. Believe me, NO GOD wants to instill fear, only humans do!
I always love what you write, especially the ones where there is a deep thought with a touch of humor. I completely agree with you that God does not want to instill fear. Religion and food are extremely personal choices and it's always between the Creator and creation as it is in between the palate and food.
ReplyDeleteThank you Anvita and you couldn't have said it better than that! Totally agree!
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