Break Free While You Can and Liberate the Generations to Come!

 

A few years ago, while I was still a part of the Facebook phase, I came across an article or was it an animated video, I fail to remember, but I laughed when I saw/read it and I remember having told my daughter about it. It was a lesson for us but it is only now that the depth of that lesson has sunk in.

The story might be a bit distorted since my memory isn’t that strong (after all I don’t even remember if it was an article or a video) but you will get the hang of it. A young girl was watching her mother fry fish in a skillet minus the head and tail after which she would fry the head. The girl asked her mother why she didn’t fry the whole fish to which her mother replied that this was how it was meant to be and that her mother did it the same way just as her mother did before that! The girl kept that in her mind and questioned her grandma at the first opportune moment. Her grandma said that she did what her mother did and it worked well. The girl was fortunate enough to have her great grandmother to consult with and she posed the same question. This great grandmother said that they had limited resources back then and she had only one small skillet in which the fish wouldn’t fit so she used to snip the head and tail off but since the head was a delicacy, she would fry it later!!

This is precisely what’s happening in our families, societies, countries and the world! Certain ways of life were worked out because they were optimal for that time, for those circumstances, climate, resources etc. In order to get everyone on the same page these were called traditions and passed on from generation to generation over thousands of years. It made life simpler. It made governance simpler. Yet, over a period of time, the “why” behind our actions were forgotten and we followed blindly. Every few generations, one or more rebel was born that questioned things and they were either quietened or ostracized because no one had an answer any more!

Some traditions are relevant till date while others aren’t and those that aren’t, need to be altered. Humans, more than any other species, fear change. “Nothing is permanent”, “Change is the only constant” and many such adages are used every often because they sound good and intelligent but at the core we are funked at the thought of change. The greater the change the more the fear. Getting out of the comfort zone is no easy task!

The scope of this topic is rather large and a single blog could never do it any justice so I am sticking to a small aspect of it- the same thing in a narrower sense and yet, I will be just scratching the periphery here. This is just to get you thinking dear reader so that you may free yourself from the invisible ropes that bind you. I am going to touch upon ancestral patterns! Patterns, that we uphold with pride; patterns that limit us from reaching our full potential!

Remember that ancestral patterns that shape us; that are embedded within our subconscious, are not necessarily from one or two generations before us and we may not be fortunate enough, like the little girl in the fish story, to pin down which ancestor passed it onto to us or the “why” behind it. Yet, recognizing certain patterns especially ones that are cyclic and make us feel stagnant is the key to break free from it. Beware that it isn’t easy more so because we have been tuned to believe that this is the only truth and if we go against it, we are being untrue or “bad”.

Some of the common ones are guilt, self-sacrifice, fear, exalting women to a status of a goddess and thus, taking away her powers, making man a demi god whom women must serve, the need to control, anger, lying, negative talk, realism bordering on pessimism…the list is endless but you must get a fair idea by now.

The one topmost on my list is breaking out from fear, self-sacrifice and guilt! This definitely works big time in my family on both sides. It is ridiculous and makes my blood boil at times and I get such judgemental looks from my folks which say “selfish and immature’ if I try to be fair! Worse, they taught me all about fairness! Yet, fairness in their eyes means fairness to all but one’s own self. Here is a simple and silly example of the years gone by for which I have fought unpleasantly and continue to do so. Six of us at a table, six bars of chocolate. The first two handed out to the kids, then to the grand parents and then to the two of us. The kids gobble theirs, even before we can peel ours out of the wrapper, as though it’s the first time they are seeing chocolate. As soon as this is done, my parents’ hand over their chocolate to the kids and then my mother looks at me and says “Paavam kuttigallu! (Poor kids) Give it to them!” gesturing me to pass mine as though to say “you can do without it; look at you versus your scrawny, emaciated kids”. They won’t say that to my husband (years of societal training that sons-in-law are the demi gods that lesser daughters marry to serve) “Paavam! He is so hard working.” So, what does that make me? Then comes the lesson in self-sacrifice. “Don’t be silly. They are your husband and children. Find pleasure in feeding them. Is there anything better than seeing them happy? Of course, you work hard, who said otherwise but you are our daughter and we can say anything to you. That boy is so sweet. Stop being immature” For years this carried on and now I have put an end to it though from time to time I still fight and I sound so petty but that is okay. For, fighting for chocolate or wanting to be acknowledged is also about EQUALITY and that is NOT PETTY! It also breaks the ancestral patterns for good and lets your daughter out from being the sacrificial goat in the future and your son from being an entitled pain in the neck!

This is a serious issue. Generations live in poverty because of a prevalent lack mindset in the family. Poor self esteem issues leading to insecurities run on forever. Even betrayals- getting betrayed or betraying can run in families without anyone realizing such patterns. The list, as I said earlier, is endless.

On a larger scale, in countries that have been under the colonial rule, breaking patterns of being servile, of looking down upon your own ethnicity and culture are all important but not easy. It is hard work and needs more and more people to join hands, to educate the entire population and be courageous enough to bring about that change and that may take hundreds and hundreds of years.

Every single step in this direction is important! The best thing about breaking ancestral patterns is that one awakened soul in a family can break one pattern or more in their lifetime forever, liberating generations to come. So, do take out time to see what self-limiting thoughts, behaviours, rules and patterns your family follows and how you can break free from them. It isn’t easy but it surely isn’t impossible. Think of yourself as the Messiah for those that are yet to be born and make their lives easier by doing some serious healing work. It is a great life purpose amongst others! Do spread awareness of the same because so many of us are completely in the dark!

 

Credits: Pinterest.com

 

Comments

  1. Every once in a while there will be a rebel in the family who will question and get answers. This rebel will change the values for better for the generations to come. One must never follow blindly.
    Your blogs always resonate my thoughts. I love reading them.

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    1. Absolutely! The black sheep of the family is usually the one that breaks patterns and frees the lot! Thank you Love. Your views are awaited eagerly! You've been egging me on forever! :)

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  2. What a wonderfully written blog and it is so true! Ancestral patterns.. religious beliefs.. Blind faith.. Societal conditioning.. Being judgemental.. All just go hand in hand! Even with this attempt of scratching the periphery, it is one step forward in the correct direction.. More power to you always 💥

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    1. Thank you confabulations_anonymous! There is so much to learn. Sometimes I wonder if I would have made better choices, had I known all this before. Then again, you get to know only when you are ready to process the information. So, better late than never! Thank you once again! :) :)

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