What Women Would Never Tell You but Would Love You to Know!

 

Credits: pinterest.com

Every other meme that targets relationships, takes potshots at women always conveying the message that women can never be understood because they are a bag of contradictions! Women are complicated compared to men, I agree, so here are a few insights to women that you might find helpful. Being a woman myself and having interacted with all kinds of my tribe, and all ages, I believe I am sufficiently equipped to bring out a few points at the very least! Disclaimer: There are exceptions to every rule and these views may sound bizarre to more than a few women and men!

Women remember all arguments

When women/ girls are part of your lives by choice and even in familial relationships that they are born into, they tend to bend backwards to please you. It is their innate nurturing nature to remember little things that would bring a smile to your face and one genuine word of gratitude or praise in return does wonders for them (the need for external validation unfortunately touches us all but it is an absolute essential for a woman). It is a part of their DNA which is further amplified by social conditioning! A girl may throw tantrums as a kid but she always melts when her brother or friend ask for something politely. She’d even part with her candy if you weave a sob story and look genuinely sad. If after taking the candy, you are nasty, she might cry and complain but the very next day you do the same performance, she’d melt all over again! This isn’t because she is dumb but because she is wired that way for this benevolence is what makes her the nurturer of the family. When she gets into a partnership/ marriage/ romantic relationship of any kind, she brings in the same love and open heartedness. Men often hurt without malice, in a matter of fact fashion just because they are nonchalant about being treated as the privileged one in any relationship. When this pattern is repeated often, the woman is hurt over and over again and it is only after a certain level of wound festering that she begins keeping an account of what you said or didn’t say/ did or didn’t do. The man is now taken aback because he isn’t keeping track and he finds her vicious! If you notice and appreciate a woman for every little thing she does, she will work harder for you, she won’t keep track of every insult/skirmish and she will egg you on and stand by your side no matter what! It isn’t too much to ask, is it?

Women are nags

Possibly! And yet, my kids think their father is a nag. Their father thinks their mother, I, am a nag! Let’s define a nag. When someone gets after you over and over again, repeating the same things time and time again, they are nagging us thus making them nags. Why does one nag? If I asked you to do something and you do it, will I keep asking you to do it again? No. So if the kids think their father is a nag it’s because they refuse to clear up their space/ turn off the lights and fans while leaving the room, etcetera. If they did what they were told, why would their father nag them? My husband thinks I am a nag. If a woman has to repeat a thing five times, ask a question five times then obviously the fifth time wouldn’t exactly be polite! Yet, you would rather blame her? Actually, nagging is a result of an underlying control issue as well. So, it isn’t a man or woman thing. Let’s stop being sexist then.

Women get away with their smiles

They do, to an extent. Not professionally, though even there they might be let off occasionally but definitely they do have it easier at banks, queues, hospitals, buses…after all, a smile is a pleasant reaction and it dissipates the tension of the situation. All the more reason for men to smile as well!

You must note that women who smile do it as a natural reflex in most cases (you do have an over smart variety as well but I wouldn’t say more than 10%). For one, we have it instilled at a young age to be “Miss Goody Two Shoes” at all times and in sticky situations, it is because of misplaced emotions. I am guilty of it. I’ve done it at funerals. It isn’t a smile, it is a sort of nervous reaction and it gets worse when I try to hide it, knowing that a smile would be inappropriate at that time!

Women have no sense of direction

True for a majority. We do have basic left and right issues, spatial orientation issues, map reading issues. You must read “Why Men Don’t Listen and Women Can’t Read Maps!” By Barbara Pease and Allan Pease. It is a great eye opener and we’d be a lot kinder to one another and a lot less judgemental!

Women fake their period issues

They don’t! There are exceptions to every rule and that’s akin to feigning in general but while you find some women absolutely raring to go every day of the month it is normal to find others moody and non- productive. Men and women need to understand that. The duration, the flow, the pain- stomach, head, back may vary, mood swings can be huge. Please be kind. Like the Indian Constitution has laws to ensure that not a single innocent be hung even if ten criminals go scot free in the bargain, so also, for a few women who might feign a bad period, do not condemn women who actually suffer.

Women feign a headache in the bedroom after the initial years!

This crib comes from men who have been married for a while! Intimacy is very important in any connection but when it is long term commitment, physical intimacy plays an all-important role. For men, it is a form of release and as the relationship starts growing older, they are in a hurry to get to the act and are not interested in foreplay. Women, on the other hand, notwithstanding exceptions, need a lot of foreplay and even more than that- they need to be treated well in the relationship (extended foreplay?!). A climax is essential for a woman too. As women start ageing and especially post pregnancy, they need to be cajoled a lot more if you don’t want excuses of migraines or if you don’t want to feel like a necrophile! If you are lucky, she’d do a Meg Ryan in “When Harry Met Sally” while thinking of fixing the next meal. The reason behind this is sluggish hormones. They need to be worked up and while arousal varies from individual to individual, in a long-term relationship, it has got to do more with how you treat her the rest of the day! Lack of foreplay can make it a very painful affair for a woman so keep that in mind. (Do read balance.media/importance-of-foreplay/) Some women irrespective of age are sensitive to condoms, others need breaks to heal. Do watch Alankrita Shrivastava’s “Lipstick under my Burqa” or at least read the Wikipedia page about it. It is based around Indian women but would apply to every country in which sex is a taboo topic. Rapes are extreme violence but insensitive partners are slow death! Love making is all about pleasure and for both- not pleasure for one and pain for another.

Women say No when they mean Yes…

Guilty. A lot many women begin every sentence with a “No” when in fact, they end the sentence with a positive yes! Cancerians (I got zodiacs in, again!!) and perhaps Scorpios and Pisces too, both male and female, are known to read between the lines. They feel. The rest of us need clear communication to decipher what the other person wants. Being an Aquarian, I want absolute clear communication and mostly, I articulate clearly too but in few very close relationships, I am guilty of saying exactly the opposite of what I want to say! “Would you like to have another piece of cake?” would be met with a “No, thank you” even though I might be salivating. It is understandable in formal settings but at home? This happens when the tone of voice asking the question rubs my ego, even if it is asked playfully!! “Do you mind if I watched cricket instead of the movie?” would be met with a “Sure!” while thinking “We were supposed to be watching a movie together. Nobody loves me!” It happens a lot and I don’t know why! Also, it happens in a marriage most of all. Even though, I need someone to convey things with clarity, maybe even drum it in, I expect my husband to just know my mind despite the fact that he has proven numerous times, that he doesn’t get it (sometimes even the things that are clearly spelt out- even the shopping list!!! “DO NOT GET FOUR MAGGIS IN ONE PACKET. GET SINGLE PACKETS” always gets me four in one!!) I can see my poor husband struggling to understand me and I wonder what’s wrong with him!!! For one, men perhaps, don’t focus on the same things we do. Also, because they have a compartmentalized brain unlike ours- which is like a telephone lines junction box - a maze of entangled wires! Sorry, the trial and error method mixed with luck is perhaps the only saving grace!

Another thing, even though I haven’t seen memes for this one! Waxing and threading are painful so if your partner (or any woman you see) puts it off forever, be kind. Love women even when they are at their natural best or worst!! 

I am sure that there are a lot more queries that need addressing but I have reached a blank all of a sudden and so, I’ll end it here!


Credits: menwit.com 


The long and short of it is that women are not simple to comprehend for it is their only weapon in this male dominated world to keep themselves safe. The surprise element helps them survive. Besides, even they have no clue why they are the way they are but are mostly pretty proud of it!! Secondly, they do add spice to an otherwise boring life, so be grateful for the drama! I love us women for we are so crazy and sooooo full of love. Just treat us right people!!

P.S: I love men too and no hard feelings there either. Plus, we all have both masculine and feminine energies within us and I guess when we learn to balance the two, these issues will no longer be relevant! Last but not the least, MEN OR WOMEN, KINDNESS AND LOVE CONQUERS ALL!

Comments

  1. I think you have covered most of the issues, Anu. There's not much more I can add to it.
    As long as women are treated with respect, they grant all your wishes.... like the proverbial genie... I guess we could consider that the ground rule, the thumb rule, whatever... any action which springs from a well of respect cannot go wrong. A woman who feels like her identity and worth are appreciated will ensure you are happy.
    Just make that little effort to know her, understand her and use that knowledge to extend respect and appreciation and your relationship is heading on a course to paradise.

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    Replies
    1. You have an eye for detail and you do speak your mind and I do value all that you can add. I agree with all that you have said and it should go both ways too!

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  2. Who could have agreed more with your blog than me. I am a bag full of contradictions, mood swings and a complete extremist when it comes to emotions. We women do aim for the moon but we can happily settle with a daisy in a vase too! All we want is love, respect and understanding. But then, isn't it what basic human desire is, irrespective of the gender.
    Keep writing such insightful blogs. They nurture the thoughts within.

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  3. Thank you Anvita :) Respect, Trust, Love and Understanding is, as you said, not a matter of gender at all and that is why I didn't talk about those. This blog was a product of memes and jokes that keep targetting women and the fact of the matter is that there are certain aspects which are gender specific and while we can take many a joke at our expense, there needs to be an understanding of our psyche as well!

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