What If You Could Do Anything For One Day...?

Credit: www.scoopwhoop.com

Recently, I was answering a questionnaire and one of the questions in it was just this- What would I do if I had the permission to do anything for one day and not be penalized for it? I even added quietly to myself, what I would do if I had got the said permission and also a blanket clearance that the people who matter and would be affected by something outrageous would never get to know. I was deeply disappointed at my lack of imagination and at the fact that I had been tamed by the ego and super ego so much that my Id refused to exist!

Didn’t I want to walk into a fancy store and keep the most coveted item on its list? Did I not want to walk into a showroom and drive out in a Porsche? Didn’t I want to date a hot hunk that caught my fancy? I was heartbroken that I had no zing left, no excitement at these supposedly juicy scenarios! Is it because I know that this is just a question and would never come true; that Mr. Darcy was but a dream? Couldn’t I let my thoughts loose enough to run wild? For Christ’s sake! I am a writer and if this is the gamut of my ingenuity, I am not going to go too far!!

Sitting alone and pondering, trying unsuccessfully to excite myself with different prospects and wondering if Sadhguru had done this to me- after all we need to affix blame somewhere-I came to the realization that I am who I am today by the conscious choices I have made in my life. I have always felt that I hardly had a say in my life and that I was living as per the wishes of my parents, my circumstances and later my husband and kids but the truth dawned on me that barring a few decisions which were important ones, no doubt, I have made the life that I wanted.

I may crib all I want, but that is all hogwash! I am in the perfect place, just the way I like it. If those things excited me, no one would have been able to stop me from getting it!! I am not saying that as a youngster, I didn’t think of what the people around me would say if I did this or that, or that fear of reprimand by my parents kept me in check during those high hormone days but I know I have broken “rules” to experiment and I have known where to stop. That restriction in my head which I attribute to my upbringing was my decision alone. My upbringing would never let me smoke but I have tried it for a while as a youngster, the why of which doesn’t matter, despite being repulsed by it’s terrible after taste!

Lord Krishna has said in the Bhagavad Gita, that we take decisions in our life at a particular time, armed with the knowledge and maturity of that stage of our life. In our heads, we made the best decisions, and believe me some were tough; these may or may not have served us well but that was how it was meant to be.

I grew up a little more courtesy that questionnaire and felt a certain peace within that if I am functioning on half throttle, it is my conscious decision and that the day I find something that grabs my attention, nothing will hold me back; not my relationships, not my poor health and definitely not my fear. This mind and this heart and the soul that drives them, knows where we are going and where we want to go and it is just a matter of time.

Some solace then that it is not that I lack creativity but it is because I am content with things as they are, that I am living my life the way I am. The little niggles in the form of wanting to grow and the cribs of not being able to do things that I want to, are little sparks waiting for me to air them into a huge fire that will egg me on to clarity and with that my destiny.