Are You a Knob Switch or a Single Pole?

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How dare I ask fellow human beings such a question, you would wonder? Switches indeed!! Such impertinence!!! This, however, is my husband’s way of describing us- he calls me an ‘on- off’ switch. I am either on or I am off, just like the single pole switch or the basic switch we use in our day to day lives. He, on the other hand, is a knob selector switch and has more stages or states of operation like a regulator!!

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You would have heard of the black and white personality- those that operate in extremes; those who want a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’ for an answer; those who despise anything in between and consider all those ‘shades of grey’ seeing personalities as indecisive and perhaps wimpish!! I am not going to discuss Borderline Personality disorder which is this same syndrome to an extreme level (and I am assuming that my husband wasn’t hinting at me suffering from one either!)

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Let’s look at a few scenarios! ONE I look at the weighing scale and kick it in exasperation! “Ok! That’s it! No more sweets and no more carbs till I lose 10kgs!” and I join the gym, get myself a personal trainer (SWITCH ON), who made me do four sets of everything on day one despite my lower back and knee pain and repeated the torture for a month only for me to deteriorate health wise and put on three kgs, despite his terrible diet and believe me those endorphins never got released. I didn’t feel good and I had no energy left to get on with basic tasks. I felt like the sugar cane after it’s crushed in a juice extraction machine over and over! Sure enough, I stopped going after that month and to hell with that moron’s diet! (SWITCH OFF) My once skinny husband who now has a small paunch (read beer belly), on the other hand, tries not to miss his walk and jog, abstains from eating sweet on some days, indulges without a second thought on others and does whatever he wants to, without guilt. (KNOB SWITCH moving from one to five gradually-normally between two and three). No, his belly hasn’t gone but neither has his peace!

TWO My son and daughter are caught with mobiles in their hands during study hour or at times using it more than their usual time which is restricted to one hour on school days. “Do you have any idea as to how long you have had that rotten thing in your hand? Is that all you both can think off? Keep the phones on my table immediately and mobile ban for a week. Am I clear?” (SWITCH ON)  I must add that the duration of ban is subject to my irritation and their response; I realize they have the last laugh for I usually melt if I see them studying for considerable amount of time after that (SWITCH OFF)! Their father, who many times is the one that instigates me to get after them, is found smiling and shaking his head like a Buddha. “One week! Why don’t you just make moderate changes?” (KNOB SWITCH operating at an irritating one)

THREE After a fab movie… My response: “Wow! Such a great movie! I don’t mind seeing it over and over! I am in love with xyz! His response: “Hmm…theek tha” (“Hmm…it was ok”) and after that shocked look on my face and in a quick attempt to retrieve the situation “achcha tha” (it was good).

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FOUR Daughter in grade two or three, after dilly dallying (and a few fireworks) brings her homework for perusal. “I am glad you finished it but the hand writing needs improvement and page three and four will have to be rewritten- it is almost illegible and so many mistakes” As evil Mom exits Angelic Dad enters “Aha! Very good! Such neat work my Princess has done!” Eyes meet…fire blazing in the on off switch; knob switch quickly trying to readjust, comes out with “it could definitely be better though. Listen to mama” and a soft “I was encouraging her, that’s all” for me!

Instances are plenty; explanations infinite! The bottom line is two different personalities and two very different approaches. Is one better than the other? Should one try and be the other? The answer is NO. 

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It takes all kinds to make this world and the creator knows best. He creates a balance in making people different. Surprisingly, nature is such that in most intimate relationships, one will be an ‘on-off’ switch while the other a ‘regulator’. It is not gender based either! And that brings about harmony. That helps children find stability in families.

Each personality type can and must try and imbibe a few qualities of the other or at least appreciate the other for their own unique contribution but to try an alter one another is disastrous. When people are wired differently in the basic model, they are meant to remain that way. That is the only way that equilibrium can be maintained.

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If we need an authoritarian leader we also need a humanitarian one; if we need followers, we need rebels to bring about change; if we need go getters, we need dreamers; if we need black and white, we definitely need the greys and all the other colours and if we have Tom, we have to have Jerry too!! Each one is as worthy and as precious as the other- we need to be kind to ourselves and to every other life around us. After all, you need the ON and OFF switch to get the air conditioner started but only the temperature control can give us the comfort we are looking for (and don’t tell me its digital and not a knob switch for I am sure you get the essence of it)!!